You’re not the only one.. who compares themselves to others
I noticed over the summer break, I was comparing myself to my sister who was home for Christmas break. Picture this. December in an Australian coastal town, a week out from Christmas. A time when everyone is "normally" joyful and excited. The palpable anxiety is fever pitch high as fellow humans rush around like headless chooks to purchase stuff that will no doubt be re-gifted this time next year to Sarah in HR at the work Christmas party.
As I ate an overpriced gelato (how good is the cost of living) that my overachieving sister bought me, I compared my finances against hers and not surprisingly felt below average. How can we both have shared a womb, yet our lives are so different? Escaping a European winter, her skinny pale legs evidently reflected the lack of vitamin D and again, I compared my life to hers. In particular the differences in our mental health. People say comparison is the theft of joy, but with how easily butter is paired with vegemite, I feel that comparison is a natural part of life, especially with having an older sibling.
The past year has been probably up there with the hardest in my life. Going through a tough depression period, having surgery, and taking time off work along with a side of Red Bull anxiety without any said beverage being consumed. It is hard to explain this to my sister and for her to relate as she hasn't ever experienced depression. It can be hard for anyone to relate if they haven't been through it themselves. What helped me was knowing I wasn't the only one going through a tough time. In a year, 1 in 5 Australians experience a mental health challenge. Due to stigma, speaking about any mental health struggles or sharing hardship, in general, is seen as a weakness and still isn't discussed. It blows my pre-frontal cortex that we are still so quiet about sharing our emotional struggles with each other. Is it because of fear of judgment? Maybe being perceived as weak or heavens not being seen as having it all "together".
Raising awareness of living a life, mentally well, and improving mental health is a passion of mine. I love reading up on evidence-based techniques and educating myself on various topics to stay mentally well. You will catch me listening to Andrew Huberman's podcasts almost weekly on a walk.
Anyway, what I learned from comparing myself to my sister and others was it doesn't make me feel better. It makes me feel worse. Although it is hard, I remind myself that we have different life experiences and it is important to stay in my lane.
If you are comparing yourself to others, you're not the only one. Knowing that you aren't the only one going through a challenging time also helped me feel less alone.
Be gentle with yourself,
L
